Category: Joke Board
Note. What is said in this joke can be found offensive by some. It is recommended that those who may be easily offended by the following consider before proceeding to read.
Cancer is one of the leading ways people die around the world. It is slow and agonizingly painful, even for those who are close to the victim and is very hard for them to experience as well. Well, I have some great news. I, a stupid college student with nothing better to do with my time, have developed a list of alternative methods in order to prevent those from suffering as a result of Cancer.
1. Have a doctor? Stop going to see them immediately. Doctors make big bucks and that's all they give a damn about. Look at what happened to Michael Jackson, and just try telling me that was an accident. We all know how evil that doctor of his is.
2. Eat, eat, and eat. The more fattening and unhealthy the better. Fry everything, even refried beans. Use butter with every meal. Hell, just eat a stick of butter as a snack. Clog those arteries up my friend, and you'll have a much quicker death from a heart attack. If you need advice on cooking, just follow Paula Dean's example. Only thing you want to do differently is keep your mouth shut, just cook and eat. The things she says is nothing but trouble, as you probably know.
3. Partake in dangerous activities, preferably ones where a result of death could be instant so you won't have to suffer. Sky dive and see how close you can get to the ground without misjudging and pulling the cord too soon. Drive cars like a maniac. Play with guns. Just ask Dick Chaney what nearly happened to him if you don't believe guns can kill people.
4. Do steroids. Guys, women like strong controlling athletic men. Do you really want to work out for years and miss out on all the TV shows you love? Hey, if you have a stroke you won't remember what happened. Just don't actually plan to be a famous athlete, or everyone will hate you like that dumb ass A rod.
Cancer can happen any time, from just about anything. I wouldn't be surprised if worrying about cancer could be a potential cause in of itself. However, if you choose to live the lifestyle I mentioned above, you're chances of death sooner than later will increase, however the chances of cancer will be lessened.